Teen Dating And Self-Image

Hey Rob,
I'm 15 years old going 16 soon and I have utterly fallen for one of my classmates. She's not that pretty but its her attitude and how nice she is that make me like her. But there's a few problems.

A few months ago, December to be precise, she hit on me. I thought that she really meant it and said yes but turns out it was only a dare from her twin sister. So we didn't get together but we got closer.

But at the time I was saying yes because I felt sorry for her. After that I started to notice her and eventually fall for her. I'm not the class genius, nor the top jock. I'm the sub-geek that's almost cool but not quite and is always nice to everyone. My friends say I look relatively good although I myself don't think so.

I'm not confident or proud of myself. I'm usually quiet. When I try to talk to her I don't know what to say. Its easy to chat on MSN but I cant talk to her directly. And because we were "together" for a brief period I know that she's not yet ready for commitment. I don't know what to do!! I don't wanna wait too long to tell how I feel.

So to summarize it:
I like her but she won't want to go out with me. I can't talk to her. I don't want to be hanging here waiting for her.

What should I do? I don't want to ruin our friendship by telling her how I feel but I cant keep on holding it in like this.
Thanks For any help
A

Hi A,
It's more important to have good friends than be dating someone.
Take this advice, keep chatting with her. Every once in a while hang out with her.

Start yourself a diary that you can write your daily happenings and feelings.

And please, talk with your Mom or your dad about their first dating experiences. They can provide advice that I cannot, since they know you so much better.

Teenagers almost universally have a poor self-image. They lack self-confidence and see everyone else as having no problems when they have more to deal with than they can handle.

The causes of this are simply not enough experience with life and the sources of their information either don't know any more than they do (friends and peers) or and the MTV window that they see life through.

The scale to match up with is impossibly high. Luckily this is a phase that ends when high school is over. Life really doesn't start until after graduation. It's just too hard to explain this fact to a teen that sees everyone else having a much better time then they are.

If you can move beyond the competitiveness of the teen world, of the marketing that is being forced down your throat through ads and TV shows and movies, then you really have a chance to enjoy your teen years instead of being fearful.

It's time to turn off the TV, get out of the basement and actually make friends that share the same things you like to do. Participate instead of trying to 'be the star' of the show. Ignore the popularity races. The adults that rule the teen world are far too good at image manipulation and if you can see this, you'll know that you can never match up to the marketing machine that is pummeling you with images of how you should dress and act.

And don't put so much pressure on yourself to be dating. There is nothing wrong with being, and having, friends. The friends you make now will be with you far longer than anyone you date when under 18 (and often older!).
Best wishes,
Rob.

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