Approaching Women, Getting Her Email And Number Fast

By David D (Double Your Dating website)
Join the free weekly advice newsletter here.

***QUESTION***

ok here is the deal... i'm 23, 5'7" and a relatively good looking and successful fashion designer. i don't date to much, and because of my usually respectful mannerism i don't get laid toO often and usually end up in that "gay friend" category.

but i've kinda got my eye on a cutie who works at a trendy clothing store in my hood. it initially was one of those things where we shared a glace and did the whole "eye ball sex" thing the first time i came into the shop. i frequent this store regularly to help promote and do some p.r. for a club night my friends are doing, (not to mention check out the... uh... merchandise?) so i have actually spoke to her and got her name and even convinced her to come out to the club a few times (on my guest list of course).

the thing is i'm not very comfortable about "macking" girls in clubs and try to avoid it at all costs, so my question is how do i go from cheezy promoter guy dropping off flyers and free passes, to say... getting her to come watch "videos" at my place or even just a phone # for that matter?

giving me a way to find out if she is single would be cool too...

>MY COMMENTS:

I've included your letter for a couple of reasons. One is because I want other guys to see that just because you're a young, successful guy that just happens to work in two fields that should naturally lead to you be a BABE MAGNET, it always takes more than just a situation... it takes skills and knowledge as well. And, second, I want to answer your question because I believe that there are a lot of guys out there who come into contact with a lot of women and would like to know how to capitalize on their good fortune.

Here's what to do:
The easiest thing in the world to do in your current situation is to say "Hey, do you have email?" Most people do, and if she says yes, just pull out a piece of paper and have her write it down. Then, WHILE SHE'S WRITING, say "And write your number down there too." This is one of my favorite one-two combinations.

Then, the next day, send her an email and tell her that she should get together with you for a cup of tea and some stimulating conversation. This is both easy and charming, and it works like, well... a charm. And for heaven's sake man, start getting the email and digits from the probably MILLIONS OF BABES that you meet in the fashion industry and while promoting clubs. Heck, if you don't want them, send them to me.

***SUCCESS STORY***

I'm sure you'll find this interesting Dave. There's a girl I liked a while back. Her and I dated for a few weeks, and then she started backing out. Less communication, avoiding the "alone time" etc. Well, that confused the hell out of me because I didn't see it coming, nor did I know what was going on in her head. I did get frustrated, but I dealt with it, and moved on. But before I moved on, I told her very friendly, "I know you don't want to continue dating, but you know that we're still friends... " So we had a nice talk and stuck to friendship. Still wondering why it broke off between us, I came across your book. After I read it, I became "enlightened" as to what happened. Let's just say I read about the "needy" guy, and cringed. I came on too strong to her. It's like putting on a lot of cologne... no matter how good the smell is, too much stinks. Well, after being "enlightened," I decided to try a few of your concepts on her. I will honestly tell you that she's all over me now. (all over). Anyways, I'm known for never finishing books, but yours I've read about 3 times now. Waiting for a new publication...

>MY COMMENTS:

Ah, yes. Isn't it wonderful when you realize how the psychology works?

***QUESTION***

Hi Dave!

I enjoy reading your writing. I dated a lot and fooled around quite a few, but I have fallen for this girl, and I made a mistake by telling her, not once but twice, how much I feel for and want her before she revealed her feeling toward me. Consequently she told me later on that she would like to do casual dating with me. And recently I found out that she is seeing two or three other guys simultaneously. GUYS OUT THERE, REMEMBER THIS. NEVER REPEAT MY MISTAKE!!!!

Having recognized my error and conceded defeat, I want to cut my loss by telling her this weekend in a face to face meeting that I don't want to see her any longer. But I can't forget her and keep wondering if I should make one more effort to win her back. I guess I am a regular human being, suffering from loss of her love. Should I change my mind, what techniques can I use to win her back?

Or I should simply walk away from her and forget everything about her? Your advice would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
B.

>MY COMMENTS:

Well, I'm glad that you've realized your mistake... Too often, us men find a particularly interesting woman, and then come to the logical conclusion that we should probably share how we're feeling about her... with her.

Unfortunately, while we think we're saying "I really like you and think you're a special girl", what she's actually hearing is "I am a wuss, I feel like you're too good for me, I'll do whatever you want, I'm no longer a challenge, and you can predict how I'm going to act from now until you decide that you're tired of me..."

I know, sounds harsh. But this is too often the reality of the situation. As far as your situation goes, I would get on with my life, don't call her anymore, and if she decides to call you sometime, turn the tables around, start playing hard to get, and NEVER ACT LIKE A WUSS AGAIN PLEASE.

It's a hard job I have poking fun at the pain of others... all for their own good.

***INTERESTING EMAIL FROM A WOMAN***

This is a success story. Your success, not mine. And I need your help. I really doubt that anybody else can help me. This is the story. I am a woman. I am absolutely agreed with every word you say about dating, phone number and email, cocky/funny attitude, phone calls, and kiss. Everything you say is right. Beside this talent you have very unique quality: you can see the persons problem from few sentences. Now I need you to tell me what is my problem. I am immigrant from Russia living in Canada. I am at my latest 20 and I’m quite attractive and I want to have a boyfriend. I am not the person who settles for less. . I have no problem to get a date. I have a problem to get the second one with the guy I like. I know all mind games including “I’m so Hard To Get and Busy” and “Oh I’m so helpless”. To meet a guy is not a problem, but, very few of my dates are cocky – funny guys. And that is what I like. Now tell me: what do you cocky-funny guys look for? What makes you call back second, third and twenty-third time. I am not asking for an answer like: wash your hair, offer to split the bill and be adventurous, I know all this from Cosmo. There is something bigger then this, something that North American girls learn at their very yang age and it is so simple so nobody talks about it. Tell me what is it that attracts cocky-funny guys. I really need to know. Thanks.
L.

>MY COMMENTS:

I'm glad you wrote in, because you bring up a point that most men never realize: Namely, that it's not easy for most women to find the kind of man that they feel ATTRACTED to! Yes, there are a lot of good-looking men in this world, but women are looking for a lot more than just looks. Women are looking for that magical combination of confidence, humor, an understanding of how women work, class, etc.

One of the great benefits of mastering the ideas that I teach is that you can fill a need that is very real in the world: The need for real,
attractive men. As for your particular situation, my only idea is to stop by my place sometime for a personal consultation. I specialize in beautiful, young Russian women who are looking for cocky funny guys. There is no charge for your initial consultation...

***QUESTION***

Dave "THE MAN",

I just want to first thank you or rather compliment you, just like everyone else has done, on your successful book which has helped me tremendously. It has led me to become VERY VERY confident in myself and around other girls. Once again, thank you Dave. Anyway, on to my question that literally drives me crazy!!! This girl that I'm interested in has email but NEVER checks it because, according to what she says her computer doesn't work. Go figure. But she did give me her cell phone number and house phone number. The problem is that every time I call her we talk for about 10-15 min. and she says that she'll call me back later but NEVER does. i mean NEVER!! is this because she is playing hard to get or does it mean that i am just wasting my time and she is not interested and should i just give up on her completely? how can i become the one who's in control and have HER chasing ME instead of ME chasing HER??? How could i get her to start calling me? If you can answer this question then it will be one less thing for me to worry about when dealing with women and I will definitely consider you "THE MAN". Thanks
-R.

>MY COMMENTS:

Where in my eBook or newsletters have you EVER heard me say to talk on the phone for 10-15 minutes? Exactly, nowhere. Why do you think this is? Because the more time you spend TALKING at the very beginning (when getting her email and number, while on the phone setting up the next meeting, etc.) the more likely you are to screw it up.
Don't waste time!

Getting her email and digits should take 3-5 minutes or so. Setting up a place to get together should take about the same. Here, I'll do another of my wonderful translations for you:

You call up and say "Hi, it's Irwin from last night calling... how are you? What are you doing? Oh, doing your hair, really? Cool. So, that was some band last night, huh? Pretty crowded bar, huh? Oh, sure... you need to go? Well will you call me back later? OK, great, talk to you then."

What she hears: "Hi, I'm lame and uncreative and I am interested in you, but I'm nervous and don't know how to ask you out so I think I'll just talk about some lame, boring, mundane things... and hope that maybe you'll have pitty on me and offer to meet me sometime."

Are you with me?

You need to call up and say "Hey, I don't have long to talk, but I wanted to touch base and say hi. I'm going to be busy today and tomorrow night, but let's get together Saturday for a cup of tea and some stimulating conversation..."
Bang, done.

If you really want to use the advanced tactics, read my book and learn about how to use the "friendship frame" to disarm her at the end of the conversation. Now, no more calling up these poor cute women boring them for 15 minutes until they say "Hey, I have to go, but I'll call you back later..."

***QUESTION***

Hi David,

I've been reading your emails for quite some time and recently just bought your e-books. I commend you on what you are doing for the many hundreds and possibly thousands of men like me who are trying to increase our game. I just started a new job at a hotel on campus. There's this one girl who find very attractive. My question is is it ok to date or ask out someone you work with? I've only worked with her once, but I felt an attraction to her and although I'm not sure if she's attracted, there may be the possibility of it, which means there is something for me to work with. What are your thoughts? Thanks
S.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Don't date your close neighbors, don't date anyone related to a close friend, and DON'T DIP YOUR PEN IN THE COMPANY INK. All of these are VERY likely to wind up being bad long-term investments. Better idea: Tease and use all of your best cocky/funny ideas on this girl... great target practice. At some point one of you probably no longer work for the same company, and at that point she will like you so much that you will have fish in a barrel for the shooting.

***QUESTION***

Hi David,

...I found...NLP related seduction stuff about a year ago and spent some money on seduction courses related to NLP, however I must say I haven't had astonishing results with it. When I ordered your book I was still studying some NLP based seduction course so I did not read the book until recently and how mistaken I was! After reading the book I realised I should have read it a long time ago because I noticed drastic improvements in the way I communicate and attract women now, far more drastic than all the time I've spent studying NLP related seduction material... Which leads to my questions to you.

I read...that you had done a lot of NLP training yourself. I'm 32 yrs old now and at the point where I need to focus on one route that leads to my goal of becoming PUA. I know some people would say take bits of this, and bits of that and find out what works for you, however I want your personal opinion on this one.

Do you use any NLP at all when attempting to create attraction in a woman, is NLP necessary in seduction?
What about things like eliciting values and anchoring them to you, is this required in creating attraction a woman?
What would you tell a newbie who had to choice of learning NLP in terms of getting good with seducing women, would you tell them to bother with it?

I'm now thinking of completely focusing my energy on perfecting the 'Cocky and Funny' approach and not wasting anymore time on things that are not necessary for me to become good in this game. I need your advice on this one...
Thanks for the good work, I'm looking forward to you writing update books to this whole game.
G.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

For those of you that don't know, "NLP" stands for "Neuro Linguistic Programming". And there's a lot of buzz about how this can help you in all areas of life, from psychological issues to earning money to meeting more women. Yes, I have spent a lot of time learning about NLP, and I've tried a lot of NLP ideas when it comes to meeting women.

The simplest answer I can give you is this:
The best use of NLP is to find guys who are very successful with women and then use it to LEARN WHAT THOSE GUYS DO NATURALLY. The mistake I think that a lot of people make is taking the parts of NLP that relate to therapy, influence, and persuasion, and try to apply those models to women and dating. Believe me, I've tried this stuff EXTENSIVELY, and I've come to the conclusion that there is a MUCH better way.

My success took off when I started watching what the really successful guys did when they were with women, then refining the ideas and looking for the common elements. For instance, the "cocky and funny" idea comes directly from a good friend of mine who is very good at attracting women. Once I learned that from him, I began to notice that almost ALL of the guys I know who attract a lot of women use it.

I don't think you have to reinvent the wheel. Just do what works... and if what you're doing is working, then keep it up.

***COMMENT***

yo david!

this is the greatest stuff i have ever seen. its soooooo easy and yet, until it dawns on you, it seems frustrating. all you nice guys know what i'm talking about...no sex? girls don’t call back? LISTEN to DAVID!! its the simplest formula in the world. here it is again for the millionth time...

COCKY+FUNNY=WOMEN!!!NUMBERS!!!!!ATTRACTION!!!!FUN!!! SEX!!! forget all that gadget crap, mind "tricks" and palmistry (don’t get me wrong, each CAN be effective...) it makes absolutely NO DIFFERENCE what you do, its the cocky, funny way you do it! be confident! go up to some girls and say sup girls, ask their names, then look at the hottest one and say ARE YOU TRYING TO PICK ME UP???!!!! hahaha and just keep teasing, making the frame that she wants you, and BE SURE TO TELL HER YOU KNOW SHE WANTS YOU!!!! trust me on this, when you see her face light up with a smile, it will be time, young grasshopper, to become a real LADIES MAN!!! peace, may the CF be with you...
N.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

You know, you'd make a great walking billboard for my... the problem is that you sound like a late night info-mercial and I don't think anyone would believe you...

But seriously, you are right. It would never cross the minds of most guys to look at a stunning woman and say "Are you trying to pick me up?"

If I'm at a bar talking to a woman, and she gives me any kind of compliment, hints that she likes me, tells me that I'm funny, etc. I'll say: "Look, I know how you women are. First a little compliment, then you're asking me for my number, then you want me to come home with you to "check out your new stereo" or something. I just want you to know that I'm not that kind of guy, and I won't fall for it."
Oh, I love it.

***QUESTION***

David,

You are a wise man. I feel the truth in your words. I want to implement the techniques that you speak of, I do, I REALLY do. But it seems that when I come in contact with women that I think are attractive, I can't, or more precisely, I don't. I think I'm afraid of rejection. If I ask a woman for her number within three minutes, I just can't see her giving it to me.

And if she did, I wouldn't know when to call her (I'm thinking of the 2 day rule from "Swingers") or if I should call her at all and just keep retreating (a la "Tao of Steve"). Do you subscribe to the theories presented in these films and do you teach a class? If yes where do I sign up?
D.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

I understand where you're coming from...
I would NEVER have believed that a woman would give out her number to a complete stranger in 2 or 3 minutes...
Until I watched some guys actually do it.

As soon as I saw it happen, it completely changed my idea of what is possible. You just need to get out there and take action. Next time you're talking to a woman, just say:
"Hey, nice talking to you, but I have to get back to my friends (or what I was doing, etc.)."
Then, just as you're turning away, say:
"Hey... Do you have email?"

When she says yes, just take out a pen and paper and give it to her expecting her to write it down. When she does, say "nice meeting you, I'll chat with you again when I have some more time..." and walk away. Once you're comfortable doing that, start having them write their number as well. It's really not that difficult.

As far as how long to wait to call, etc. Just don't email or call the same day! Email the next day, and use what you've learned to take things to the next level.

***QUESTION***

Dave,

I haven't had success like this with women in my life. You sure know your stuff. I've read your book about 10 times and I'm still reading it. But I do have one question though. I have a major downfall when it comes to communication with women. I do good at approaching them and I usually say "Hey, how's it goin'?", but I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING TO TALK ABOUT. That's my downfall. If I can keep a conversation going that could the best. But I'm lacking skills in that part, and like you said, your success all comes down to your skills. Well Dave, I need a new skill. Can you please help me. Any feedback will be much appreciated.
~J.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

You're going to love this answer. Don't "talk" about anything at all. Tease, make fun, act cocky and funny, and get the email/digits. The idea that you have to "talk about something" will lead you to a curious dry feeling between your legs...

***SUCCESS STORY***

Im hoping this is the success story mailbox, cause i need to tell u how great u are!! I ordered your e-books a few months ago, read them a couple times, and set out to see how it worked. I started talking to girls on AOL, and i built up a pretty nice list of girls who just loved me! it's great to have the confidence to know i can be myself and not have to settle....BUT! I messed up! I was dating this girl, and on New Year's i got really drunk and the next day i was her boyfriend! i just want to get with as many girls as i can handle, lol, so what should i do??? how do i keep this from happening again??????? Help me out, im only 21, so im not quite sure what i did wrong, young, dumb, and full of...well u know!

By the way, you rule, if i met u i would bow down at you feet, cause u helped me so much i cant even put it into words! Thanks, and hope to see this on your mailings, which i enjoy greatly, your book is the gift that keeps on giving! Ok, i have to go wipe off my nose.... Thanks again!
J.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

Yes, please do handle the nose thing...

You poor, poor guy... it must be tough to have all of these women after you. I think I'll let you figure out how to handle your situation. Hint: Don't drink so much.

I included your email because I wanted to remind everyone what a GREAT idea it is to start chatting with women online with instant messaging services. It's the ULTIMATE FREE SIMULATOR. Try it, you'll like it.

***QUESTION***

Dear David...

I'm a 37-year-old guy, not bad looking, dress pretty well, nothing in the way of great detractors in my habits that I can tell.

Growing up in a liberal town of liberal-minded, feminist parents, where most conversations were matter-of-fact and direct, very little teasing occurred, etc. it's been hard trying to lose my matter-of-fact approach to talking to women and gain this bad-boy-ish attitude you talk about in your book. It is the complete antithesis to much of who I see myself as. That said, I still want to give it a try, since being a natural Sensitive Guy (although not a pushover) hasn't given me the huge success I'd like.

My problem comes from my age. Most of the women from 28 up that I meet all want to get married pretty soon, and seem to assess me as husband material rather than sexy-man material. My friends say "Well, why don't you just date younger women?"
As if it were that easy!

I want to approach tons of women (despite the fear I feel at each approach if it doesn't already feel like a natural opportunity to me). I have a strong sense, though, that a 37-year-old guy approaching a 23-year-old girl (or anyone under 28, say) would be looked on with suspicion by the girl, especially since I'm nobody famous or rich or whatever. It's like it's already a giant stroke against me, adding to the already huge on I feel I have being this naturally considerate, even-handed, egalitarian sort of guy.

I couldn't find it in your book, but have you honestly seen guys my age do just as well with the younger girls as guys in their 20s? I'd find that hard to believe; you always hear younger girls talking about "creepy older guys" (even if those guys aren't noticeably creepy -- the mere fact that they're approaching the younger girls seems to freak them out). What do you think about this?
-B.

>>>MY COMMENTS:

First of all, you're not alone. I know that there are a lot of other men out there who are thinking "I'm a nice, stable, intelligent guy... and I should be able to attract women."

You must realize that women don't really care if you're a nice guy. "Nice" doesn't light up their emotions and make them feel A GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION.

What DOES make them feel it? You guessed it... teasing, humor, unpredictable behavior, and that magical combination of cocky and funny.

I heard a great theory once: Too many of us men were raised by our MOTHERS, and not our fathers. Or, we were raised in a household where our mothers dominated our fathers. In either case, we learned how to attract a MOTHER, not how to attract a LOVER.

Do yourself a favor, and think for a moment about what it would be like to be an attractive woman in your mid 20s who is approached all the time by "nice" guys that want to take you out and bore you with conversation about the news and weather. Now ask yourself: "What kind of guy would instantly get my attention and cause me to feel an attraction to him?"

Women like the kind of personality that I prescribe. They like it the same way us guys like firm young bodies and beautiful faces. Think about it.
...and one more thing...

I think a lot of guys have had times in their lives when they were successful with women... but for whatever reason they have lost their old "mojo". Maybe it was a marriage that went bad... maybe a girlfriend that eventually turned them into a Wuss Bag... whatever.

I get a lot of emails from guys who USED to be good with women, but have been out of practice for so long that they might as well be starting over.

If you fit this category, or you're just getting started and you want to get off on the right foot, then I recommend you check out my eBook "Double Your Dating", and then my Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program.

No kidding, this stuff has taken me several years to learn, test, refine, and explain clearly. If you want the best material available for meeting and dating women, this is it.

My downloadable online eBook comes with three free bonus booklets, and it's the foundation for everything I teach in these newsletters. Start here:
http://www.doubleyourdating.com

By David D (Double Your Dating website)
Join the free weekly advice newsletter here.

(c) 2003-2006 David DeAngelo, All Rights Reserved. By accepting and reading this article you agree that: You understand this to be an opinion and not professional advice, it is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes, you are solely responsible for any use of the ideas, concepts, and content and will hold David DeAngelo harmless. http://www.doubleyourdating.com